I AM NOT PRETTY

I feel as though there comes a time in every girl’s life in which she ponders upon the question

Be that through social media, societal pressure, peer pressure or family we begin the journey of comparison.

Comparing our beauty to the next person, seeking our beauty value through compliments, likes…anything. Yet, most of the time unconsciously the beauty value we are seeking the most is our own.

Think about it, if I knew I was beautiful why would I seek others approval? Why would I doubt my worthiness? Why would I compare my self- beauty to a standardised mediated norm?

Sadly, for me, I never really came to a height of self-beauty because I told myself I was ‘workable’.

I told myself, “your skin isn’t perfect so focus on skin care and wear foundation” or “your nose is too big but just contour it”.

As such, my self-beauty became a mediated self…it was the self that looked good with a filter and some face tune. Somehow my natural self-was unfinished, unpolished and “not my final form”.

Because of this I never truly accepted my face as worthy, I worked hard to ensure that everything else about myself was worthy, be that work ethic, education, faith or my career.

These were things I equated my self-value and beauty to because I could control these aspects of myself perfecting them to a greater standard.

While there is nothing wrong with this, in fact, I encourage other women to see their value beyond their physical… I simply continued to ignore the issue of my self-beauty.

One day I looked in the mirror and thought, “ My face is not perfect but it’s a face nonetheless if I don’t wear makeup I don’t wear makeup”.

Thinking back, I am not sure if this was contentment or progression because I wasn’t loving my beauty, I was just ACCEPTING what my flaws were (and that makeup was a long process I didn’t want to deal with anymore).

I have yet to figure out the journey of self-beauty

But ladies, I’m intrigued what has your journey been surrounding self-beauty?

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Psalms 139: 13-15